VERSE 1

I once spent a day with a tailor
Who told me that business was slack.
He whipped off his fancy regalia
And jumped in a shower out the back.
But no drops of water fell on his hindquarter,
No aqueous wash from above,
But humous and dips splashed about head and hips
And clung to his skin like a glove.
He was so sincere
Coated from nose down to knee
Like a huge tortilla, was he.

VERSE 2

His wisdom pervaded me slowly
Ablutions of savoury fare.
A bath full of fresh guacamole
And chutney for washing his hair.
A red pepper loofah will naturally do for
Removal of obstinate grime
To dip yourself in is never a sin
But to lick yourself off is a crime.
And it’s pure bravado
Wading in salsa and lime;
Lovely avocado, be mine.

FLUTE SOLO

So contented,
With chilli smeared over my snout
They’ll say I’m demented, no doubt.

VERSE 3

And so I decided to follow
His guidelines for smearing on spread
But turned from his preference to wallow
To fashioning garments instead
And I became sure antipasto couture
Was something the world had to see.
Now I travel first-class with ingredients and baths;
Embellished with relish on me.
And it’s hip-hip hooray!
My clothes with a brush I apply
Simply caked in puree, go I.

VERSE 4

Sour cream socks for a starter
And ankle boots made of blue cheese.
A blouse of taramosalata
And yoghurt dip skirt to my knees.
I’ve spattered myself from the savoury shelf
And everyone wants to know why,
So as people stare, I hereby declare
The travelling dip dandy am I.
And it’s so beguiling
You wave to me as I pass by.
Proudly dressed up to the nines.
The travelling dip dandy am I.