Pilchard 1

Haddock, don't you look at me that way.
Oh haddock, don't you look at me that way.
I never killed your brother
Don't care what your mamma say.

DCI Haddock 1

Pilchard, you can’t argue with the facts.
Pilchard, you can’t argue with the facts.
I’m bound to feel your flipper.
You been bad since the day you were hatched.

Pilchard 2

No Haddock, these two fins could never kill.
No Haddock, these two fins could never kill.
You submarine Miss Marple.
You’re just talking out of your gills.

DCI Haddock 2

Pilchard – or is it Herring or Sardine?
Pilchard – or is it Herring or Sardine?
Your alibi is fishy
We found your scales all over the scene.

Pilchard 3

Haddock, so you’re holding all the cards.
Haddock, so you’re holding all the cards.
Try to cuff my dorsal
And you’ll be needing bodyguards

DCI Haddock 3

Pilchard, I’m gonna reel you in.
Pilchard, I’m gonna reel you in.
You’re a cold-blooded killer
Gonna put you back in your tin.

Pilchard 4

Haddock, don’t you look at me that way.
Haddock, don’t you look at me that way.
I may have killed your brother
But he had fin-rot anyway.