VERSE 1

My newt is minute
And your newt is large.
I think I may have been overcharged.
My newt is minute
And I have deduced
I should have demanded the price be reduced.
The thing about newts is
They simply don’t care:
They can live underwater or breathe in the air.
Their gills will still function
No matter how small,
And out on dry land they need no gills at all.

VERSE 2

My newt is minute
It’s so plain to see.
Dimensionally challenged
With no guarantee.
The man in the shop said
He’d probably grow.
I asked for a refund but he told me no.
He belongs to the genus
Of Urodeles.
He’s got tiny teeth but he hasn’t got knees.
He may be a midget,
But he’s very strong.
I pulled off his legs but he still moves along.

VERSE 3

My newt is minute
And your newt is huge.
Am I the victim of some subterfuge?
The man in the shop said
They’re all the same size,
But my newt is minute - he’s telling me lies.
But my newt is brighter
Than others you’ll see.
He studies the arts and he’s got a degree.
He goes to the library
And people don’t stare
He reads in his head so they don’t know he’s there.
Yes, my newt is minute
He’s ever so small.
But I wouldn’t be without him….
At all.